A Fresh Start and a Look Back

Call it a New Years Resolution if you want, although I've always been against such an idea. But with the new year, I feel a need for a fresh start, and it begins with returning to my blog. Not only will I begin posting again, but I am committing to at least one post per day. There's really no reason for not updating daily.

With such high expectations (and demands) coming into last season, the Mets drove me straight into a brick wall in late April/early May, stripping me of all motivation and desire to continue with my blog devoted to the team I so desperately wanted to see succeed in its final year at Shea Stadium. It took me quite awhile to recover (or rather, for the team to recover so I could as well), and when I did, I decided not to return to my blog out of fear that I would just be run into another brick wall and stop posting again.

I would have been right.

One positive thing I could take out of last season (if I even can) is that it tested my love and devotion to the Mets as much as possible. Never before, and I doubt never again, will I be as down on the Mets as I was at the end of the 2008 regular season. It was a cumulation of the past three seasons, in which I wanted nothing more than to see the Mets win a World Series that I could remember with Shea as their home, from the Beltran strikeout to the "devastating" Glavine performance and to every loss by our bullpen, right down to Scott Schoeneweis and Luis Ayala on September 28th, which was followed by the closing ceremony for Shea Stadium.

As Tom Seaver and Mike Piazza closed the center field fence and the lights dimmed, it was as if I was closing the door as well. I was leaving along with Shea. I wanted nothing to do with this team anymore. All the pain and heartbreak was just not worth it. I could not devote myself to this team anymore.

The only reason I could watch the playoffs was so I could watch the Devil Rays (yes, I still call them the Devil Rays), my favorite team besides the Mets, in their first season out of mediocrity and into the playoffs. Their incredible run to an AL pennant came crashing down with a World Series loss, but not just to any team.... to the Phillies. The Phillies were World Series Champs. Forget the Mets, I swore off all of baseball right then and there.

Yet, once all the offseason buzz began, I couldn't help myself. There I was, searching for information on the Mets' offseason plans, figuring out the best way this team could turn it around for 2009. Searching for hope after all the hope was just sucked out of me. I couldn't stay away.

So, here I am, once again eagerly anticipating the upcoming season. I still don't know if I can watch a game when the season rolls around, especially the opening game at Citi Field. I fear seeing any footage of Shea being taken down, as I don't want that to be the final image of my memories of it. I'm certainly not prepared to attend any home games, and stand in the parking lot that is the ghost of Shea Stadium. But what I do know is that one day, I will be ready to fully embrace the Mets again. I will accept Citi Field as my home eventually. And one day, I hope this team will reach the ultimate goal and make this whole wild ride worth it.

Lets Go Mets.